Is it better to have loved and lost?

  I know this isn’t my typical post. Usually I’m talking about whatever European city I’ve recently visited, which Canadian province I’m moving to or which mountain town holds my next employment opportunity. But as of the last week, I’ve been struggling with love. 

I can distinctively say I’ve been in love twice. The first time was a whirlwind love at first site, lasted two days and I never saw him again. You may say that that is not love, but when I did finally meet up with my German Romeo four years later, it was like I was sixteen all over again. There’s a deep connection that makes me feel unexplainable connected to him. I can understand him when he speaks German and he understands me even though his English is mediocre at best. I can only describe him as a soul mate. 

Sorry that was extremely sappy. My second love started slower and was a high school sweet heart. We dated for 3 years before my entire world was destroyed. 

So now here I am, just out of a 7 month I don’t even know how to describe it relationship with a girl. This girl treated me like dirt, critiqued my every move and just generally only cared about herself. I’ve been free for two weeks and couldn’t be happier. Only, 1 week ago I met a boy. 

The new boy, has terrifyingly similar resemblances to my high school sweet heart. Starting with they have the same name, ending with our first date was on my old anniversary. This new boy, will tell me I’m beautiful, that I deserve to be loved and happy and that he believes he can do both for me. 

IT’S BEEN A WEEK. Now at first, it was all romantic and whimsical like a book where they elope after a two week whirlwind of sex and romance and over coming obstacles. Only thoses ones all involve billionaires. And now, I can see everything he’s saying but my heart is telling me to run.

The last year my heart has been in a constant stake of broken. I decided I’d rather deny myself another shot at love to preserve my sanity and spend some time alone. But am i making the right choice? Or am I just hiding from pain. Is it better to have loved and lost? Being in love is an incredible thing, but I’m not willing to part with any part of me at the moment, I can’t give myself fully to someone while I’m trying to heal my heart. I am not a coward but this feels like the cowards way out.  
If you have any comments or opinions, post at the bottom. Feed back is always appreciated. 


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