Fair warning, this is a motivational speech to myself. If it helps you, then you are welcome. But in no way am I bragging or trying to say I’m the shit.
My names Felicia Day. No I’m not the red headed youtube blogger that so many boys list after but we do have the same name. I am 20 years old from beautiful British Columbia, Canada. This past summer I spent three months alone in europe and entered 13 different countries. The past two and some months I was totally and completely head over heals in love. The kind that makes your toes curl and all my friends would tell me they wish they could find their own Dylan. Three years ago I was student body president and planned a grad cruise solo.
I’ve had more jobs than I care to count, managed to stay in touch with the majority of my friends and then some. I packed up and moved provinces for two months because I felt like it. I have a solid group of male best friends that all turn into over protective brothers the second I mention finding a new man.
I’ve been sitting in self pity the past two months wondering where I went wrong. Was taking that trip to be secure in who I am the wrong choice? Does having a drunken make out with dutch God while separated and completely single make me a cheap whore? Is there anything I could’ve said or done to save the deepest love I’ve ever felt? The answer to all of these questions is no. Some doors close. I need to accept it, maybe I won’t text the same people next month that I do now. Maybe I can’t spend my weekends at your house because it just hurts us both.
A friend told me I’ve done more than anyone in our grad class, someone else then said I’ve done more than some will do in their lifetime. And that’s completely true. Some people never leave their country, some people never find themselves. I’m a strong believer in faking it until your confident at it. No one needs to see your weakness, I don’t have any to show. I’m going to take my life back, one day at a time. Everything looks bleak right now, I’m so torn in so many directions. To run or to stay, face my reality or just restart else where. Only time will tell what life has in store for the next three years of my life. All I know is that the next man I give my heart to will be amazing because he’ll have to beat out the last, and those are some large shoes to fill.