I’m having extremely mixed feelings on heading home. This trip made me realize what I wanted in life was happiness over anything else. I don’t care about having a wedding for all to see or having a mansion for people to ogle. But with 9 days to go before home coming I had my heart broken and all my plans for the future come to a halt.
Now my future is looking pretty bleak. I can’t decide on what I want, I can’t think of anything past arriving at the airport, going home and curling into a ball. Thankfully I have extremely supportive friends who are all welcoming me to their places with open arms. But they’re not the arms I want to be in and nothing seems to make this feeling of utter lose lessen.
Now I don’t regret my trip, it was amazing. I made some life long friends, saw places I’d only dreamed of, drank more alcohol than should be humanly possible but I should’ve waited. I was too blind with excitement to consider that the life I put on hold in Canada wasn’t as stable as I’d thought. I didn’t think so much could change in one summer, that I’d come home to everything being completely different. I feel I was incredibly selfish and only thought of myself and because of that I have nothing left.
Now I’m contemplating Ireland, Quebec or England. The job I decided I want doesn’t matter anymore because I can’t handle the idea of being in Vancouver. A cruise ship would be nice, maybe I’ll apply to move to any of the major ski resorts in the interior. I can’t handle facing my family and the questions of what happened, the thought of seeing the girl who’s now my replacement with the boy I thought I was spending my life with. I always tell people Vancouver’s a pretty small city, but now it seems suffocating. I need to get out. And soon.