I’m Coming Home

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I’m having extremely mixed feelings on heading home. This trip made me realize what I wanted in life was happiness over anything else. I don’t care about having a wedding for all to see or having a mansion for people to ogle. But with 9 days to go before home coming I had my heart broken and all my plans for the future come to a halt.

Now my future is looking pretty bleak. I can’t decide on what I want, I can’t think of anything past arriving at the airport, going home and curling into a ball. Thankfully I have extremely supportive friends who are all welcoming me to their places with open arms. But they’re not the arms I want to be in and nothing seems to make this feeling of utter lose lessen.
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Now I don’t regret my trip, it was amazing. I made some life long friends, saw places I’d only dreamed of, drank more alcohol than should be humanly possible but I should’ve waited. I was too blind with excitement to consider that the life I put on hold in Canada wasn’t as stable as I’d thought. I didn’t think so much could change in one summer, that I’d come home to everything being completely different. I feel I was incredibly selfish and only thought of myself and because of that I have nothing left.

Now I’m contemplating Ireland, Quebec or England. The job I decided I want doesn’t matter anymore because I can’t handle the idea of being in Vancouver. A cruise ship would be nice, maybe I’ll apply to move to any of the major ski resorts in the interior. I can’t handle facing my family and the questions of what happened, the thought of seeing the girl who’s now my replacement with the boy I thought I was spending my life with. I always tell people Vancouver’s a pretty small city, but now it seems suffocating. I need to get out. And soon.

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One thought on “I’m Coming Home

  1. So…stranger here, thus stranger advice ahead ⬇️
    1st point: that sucks, if I can be blunt.
    2nd: go ahead and cry into your pillow, let it out, it helps (I know for a fact).
    At the same time, don’t ever EVER regret the moves you made for yourself, especially in travelling for self-discovery. The one who is for you will understand and wait for you to come back, heck he might even go with you! Meanwhile, hang in there, start again, and find yourself and your happiness 🙂 Goodluck!

    Like

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